SecretDecember 4, 2009
By Bill Jones
This is an actual Virginia home. It is very old by American standards. Think of all the secrets that have been whispered or left untold behind that blue door and those upstairs windows.
Here is a partial of the Miriam Webster dictionary definition of the word SECRET:
1 a : kept from knowledge or view : hidden b : marked by the habit of discretion : closemouthed c : working with hidden aims or methods : undercover <a secret agent> d : not acknowledged : unavowed <a secret bride> e : conducted in secret <a secret trial>
Here is how it is used as a mantra in the art magazines: “Learn the Secrets of bold watercolor”; In this issue, the secrets to better pastel landscapes; 10 secrets to fabulous oil portraits; learn the secrets of the old Masters, etc.
One would suppose if the author is erudite enough to get an article accepted by a high readership national art magazine, said author would know how to look up the meaning of a word in his/her title. Are the editors of these magazines just as stupid? Do they read this stuff?
How much of a secret is it if you know it and want to share with 190,000 readers? You have a really big mouth. An how did you come across this secret? Did you find an old document by Rembrandt at a yard sale. He taught no one? 600 years go by and NO one has any idea how he painted? But now you will share. And as we know, once we have these “secrets”, we will paint like Rembrandt.
Strange thing is, the “keepers” of these secrets who are going to let us in on them generally can’t paint any better than they can keep a secret. So, unless having this secret directly from Rembrandt helps me paint any better, keep it to yourself. And if it will make me paint like him, won’t the other 190,000 be able to paint like him too? So there goes the marketing advantage.
This stupid trashing of the language extends beyond the art world. Still the art world is so full of whiffle dust blowers, you need look no further if you are seeking people full of secrets and bullshit.
I watched an ad on tv showing yet another pathetically ridiculous exercise machine for the lower back. When the actor or “Dr” who must have lost his license for dealing meth started talking about how having this machine fixes your back by having you do nothing but lay there …. here it comes ….. blah blah blah … and this is the SECRET as to how this machine heals your back in a seemingly magical fashion. The secret is that it empties a fat wallet thereby removing the imbalance when you sit.
If you will send me a mere $10, I will send you, my obviously very well educated, astute reader, the entire unabridged “secrets” to better blog writing. Oh, hell, I’ll give it to you for free …. write something interesting! (This has gone untold for hundreds of years).