Literally

By wr jones

acrossThePark

I often think I need to tell people “this is what I heard, literally.”   I hear such outlandish stuff on the radio and TV I feel if I tell it like I heard it, I will be suspected of making it up.   I heard one the other day; “The Cookie Diet”.   They were serious.  Cookies for breakfast, lunch, and snacks.  According to the ad there is a wide variety of cookies so you won’t get tired of them.   Does anyone really want a cookie everyday for breakfast and lunch?   I’m curious about the odds that anyone trying this idea is overweight and does not have a living chance of trimming down.

If I was overweight and eating these things and someone asked me if I was dieting …. Nope, just eating cookies cause I like em; so kiss my fat patootie, Twiggy.

Say, did you ever paint in watercolor?   The damn stuff is very runny.   I’m not patient enough to wait for one layer to dry.  Even knowing in advance I’m going to dick the painting up by putting more water/paint into what is there without waiting for it to dry, I do it anyway then startup with a potty mouth that would singe the devil’s own tongue.   I only did this piece in watercolor because the thought of getting oil paint all over my car and then cleaning up was too overwhelming.

Just off to the right of this painting is a fence with a No Trespassing sign.  I don’t think they meant that sign for me.  There are some wonderful paintings waiting on the other side of that fence, but not in watercolor.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Plein Air, Watercolor. Bookmark the permalink.

34 Responses to Literally

  1. ghettoblackify says:

    interesting painting

  2. It’s kind of like “honestly” or “to tell you the truth” everything thereafter is suspect.

  3. lesliepaints says:

    Bill. I like your watercolor. The evidence of brushstrokes in the trees and foreground shadow are beautiful. Your value choices are really good and you allowed the painting to remain transparent. I can understand your frustration. I hear these things about watercolor all the time. Can’t wait to see this in oil!

  4. rahinaqh says:

    i’d agree with Leslie, for an oil painter you have done an excellent job with watercolour…. i can’t do anything with watercolour, end up desroying the brushes and blaming the paints (come to think of it i do that with oils too)…. as for your dose of rant, you have got to be kidding about the… fence?

  5. Rhonda says:

    No, you cannot complain about watercolor, Bill. This is a wonderful watercolor painting – just enough detail and great values and glad to hear you disobeyed the sign put there for everyone but you :)

  6. Rebecca says:

    Hey, You’re pretty good at watercolor!
    I found a blog today that you might enjoy…pissed off over 50 political rantings. http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com
    (I know you never talk politics, but this guy is funny)

  7. swatch says:

    Hey I like this Bill – Nice lost edges in the trees and mix of greens – neat – I would like to see more watercolour here.

  8. Rebecca says:

    oh, ps. i posted a painting for you today.
    :)

  9. wrjones says:

    gettoblackfly – why don’t you just come out an say it sucks.

    humourousreview – everything on this blog screams, “Economical with the truth!” (I got that from Rahinaqh).

    Lesliepaints – thanks. The stuff on the other side of the fence is what I want to paint but hard to run from deputies loaded down with oil paints.

    Rahina – you little Scottish beauty – thanks. I think anyway… you may have meant this comment for someone else as I know next to nothing about ranting.

    Rhonda – thanks. You really know how to leave a worthwhile comment!

    Rebecca – doggone it I went after that link and lost all my comment. Had to reenter it.

    Swatch – thanks. The edges are lost and me too.

    Rebecca – Saw the painting. Can’t wait to get it in the mail.

  10. Carol King says:

    Well, lookey here! The oil painter did a watercolor. And a damn fine watercolor it is! I’m not surprised that you were able to produce a beautiful watercolor even with all your complaining. The trees are nice and loose, as are the shadows on the grass.

    What I am SHOCKED at is that you have a potty mouth!
    Take that literally!

  11. Barbara Pask says:

    I think it’s a very sweet painting Bill even it it did make you swear. Sorry you didn’t enjoy the process but we like the result.

  12. Wow, Bill!
    Is there anything you CAN’T do??? Watercolor is a difficult medium … you can really f… mess it up fast… BUT YOU DIDN’T!!!

    I’m literally stunned.

  13. Dar says:

    Bill, I understand your concern for covering your tracks, chocolate or otherwise, so watercolor seems riskier than oils. But you did a wonderful job of sneaking in, doing a great example of watercolor reconnaissance, and getting out before detection. I see a stealthy art mission in your future.

  14. 100swallows says:

    Nice painting, Bill. I didn’t know you were so good with watercolors.

  15. This is a wonderful picture, you are multi-talented! and it proves your thesis is true: obviously the “no trespassing” sign was meant for others!

  16. This is so nice, Bill. I think watercolor is so difficult to do and very easy to overwork. You kept it fresh and lively – well done!

  17. While I was waiting for the close up to download , I tried that cookies diet.
    Then painted and ate a cream puff.

    BUT when I finally saw how beautifully handled it was, I was pleased. Sated, too.

    Really, Bill, do not put the watercolor away. You have a senstivity for it and obviously the patience required even if you do swear a bit. I admire your tenacity. It is a lovely painting!

  18. Now I want a cookie. Or a bon-bon.

  19. wrjones says:

    Carol – Ya, the potty mouth probably did surprise you. I, of course, would clean up my language around a lady like you.

    Barbara – could you get on the thesaurus and pick any other word than “sweet”. Ewe!!!

    Marian – thanks. Apparently I can’t watch my language.

    Dar – I really like your wording. I will call them art recon missions from now on. Damn, that sounds manly.

    100swallows – thanks. I’m not.

    Aletha – thanks. I can chew gum and walk albeit hanging on to a rail for balance.

    Connie – thanks. With my work ethic it is hard to overwork anything.

    Cathyann – thanks so much. Now I’m craving a cream puff.

    Shayna – where have you been? Time to stop chasing those middle aged men (12, 13) and come visit. We can stand in back of Erin’s class and chat.

  20. For someone who has trouble painting with watercolor, I’d say you lucked out. Or maybe you’re just kidding. Whichever it is, you should use those runny paints more often.

  21. Lori says:

    Oh gee, this looks perfect to me. I love the shadows.
    I have been messing with some watercolor too, I like yours better, didn’t even post mine.

    Cookie diet, hmmm, sounds better than that trained bacteria diet you were talking about. I would like a chocolate diet myself.

  22. wrjones says:

    Diana – thanks. I will continue to gamble with them from time to time.

    Lori – Thanks. Watercolor is so hard. It originally was intended as a punishment for past life transgressions. I should be painting in watercolor ALL the time.

  23. Rebecca says:

    This is one of very few places where I read the comments! LOL..yea, down here, you are running from a guy with a shotgun to get over the “bob”wire fence.

    It’s in the mail. I didn’t seal it! have fun with that. (It means you can add if you want!)

  24. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – can’t wait!!!

  25. Hey why aren’t you painting? Are you sick or something?!

  26. Rebecca says:

    that could be…or maybe he is assessing his future as in watermedia.

  27. wrjones says:

    Diana – I’m overloaded at work and have not had a chance to paint or draw. I’m looking for a sugar mama to take care of me so I can travel and paint and eat candy.

    Leslie I did spend a few days in a correctional facility for going over that fence. I was ok as in they were going to let me off with a warning until they saw the painting. Then they said, “This is criminal, you will have to do time.”

    Rebecca – enjoying your painting. It is setting on my desk.

  28. Interesting painting, Bill, and yes indeedy, the translation of that statement is: “It sucks”. All mediums are difficult, but water color is difficulter, if I may coin a word. I’ve always liked the medium of water color, because you don’t have to dick around with those big ass tubes of white paint. That’s why they call it a “spontaneous” medium don’tya know.

  29. Irene Rencsi says:

    You did a wonderful job with the watercolours Bill!! I’m like you, very impatient…but I know not to even try.
    You reminded me of my last plein air painting experience. Empty gravel lot, nice trees…hmmm…no signs, painted in the truck as well, windows down….when suddenly I had 5 giant art loving dogs sticking their heads in all the windows, teeth gleaming, trying to either critique my work or eat it….. but they were nothing compared to the lady who’s driveway I was parked on. :) Yes, art can be dangerous. :)

  30. I feel bad about saying that your h20 “sucks”. Can I delete the sucking statement and just keep the “interesting”?

  31. wrjones says:

    Irene – thanks. Let me just say I like your comment a WHOLE lot better than David’s, regardless of however true his may be.

    David – yep, I will just pretend I never heard the word SUCKS in regards to this painting. I felt it was an interesting painting.

    I was painting outdoors in San Diego with my daughter when a car load of boys drove by. One stuck his head out the window screaming “YOUR PAINTING SUCKS!!!”. I wondered how he could see it so well from a moving car; kid had good eyes.

  32. Your posts and comment replies NEVER EVER SUCK! Your humor is a tonic!

  33. wrjones says:

    David – thanks. You are free to express your true opinions on paintings or posts. I’m just not that sensitive about it. When they are bad they are bad, what the hell.

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