Run

By WR Jones

The one in front is me.  That hungry looking thing on my ass is the economy.   I may have the answer, “Product Cinema”.   If you send me money in the next 15 minutes a 10 percent discount is yours.  And and and I will include a sample of whatever I can cheat these little Halloween buggers out of tonight.

I was watching a recorded program on TV the other night and could not help but notice that as I skipped over the commercials at the fastest fast forward possible, the time to skip over the ads was longer than the time spent watching the snippets of program between the marathon ad sessions.

So then I thought what would happen if I came up with a program to skip over that load of manure automatically.   I could offer the program free.  Then the advertisers would pay me not to give away my “Ad Buster”.   That is prong 1 of a two prong money making attack.   Interested now?   Ok you missed out on the 10 percent discount because you are dumber than 40 water buffalo.  I don’t mind working with the mentally challenged, I will still let you in on this CAN”T POSSIBLY MISS money maker.   Why?  Because I love you.

If you can skip the ads entirely, the advertising companies will be forced to produce commercials that are interesting in their own right.   Thus “Product Cinema.”   We make programs pushing product.   Here is an example series idea ….   “Bill and Kate + 8.”  A soap opera, the season opener – Bill and Kate have 8 children, none of whom Bill is particularly fond of.   Kate whines to an adorable, very sympathetic, very handsome husband (played by me), “Bill, I can’t do a thing with this hair!”   Bill, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.  I’m leaving you for Georgia.  She uses Prell for natural looking full bodied, soft, yet will stand up to a force 5 hurricane hair.”

“Don’t worry about custody.  You can have them all, all the time.   As a sign of my continuing deep caring for your well being, I have set you up for direct deposit.  You can put the money into my account without leaving the diaper changing area.   Georgia and I will be traveling, staying in all the 5 star hotels.  And as you are aware, since we had to let the kids go hungry more than once, my painting supplies are very costly.   So try your level best to be on time with the money.”

Stop drooling, it is unbecoming.   Yes this is like printing your own money.  Make that check out to W.R. Jones, Financial Genius Extraordinar.

As a casting couch for our programs I was thinking we could have the pathetic wanna be movie stars pose for paintings.   Lordy, I’m the full package of brilliant ideas, eh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Literally

By wr jones

I often think I need to tell people “this is what I heard, literally.”   I hear such outlandish stuff on the radio and TV I feel if I tell it like I heard it, I will be suspected of making it up.   I heard one the other day; “The Cookie Diet”.   They were serious.  Cookies for breakfast, lunch, and snacks.  According to the ad there is a wide variety of cookies so you won’t get tired of them.   Does anyone really want a cookie everyday for breakfast and lunch?   I’m curious about the odds that anyone trying this idea is overweight and does not have a living chance of trimming down.

If I was overweight and eating these things and someone asked me if I was dieting …. Nope, just eating cookies cause I like em; so kiss my fat patootie, Twiggy.

Say, did you ever paint in watercolor?   The damn stuff is very runny.   I’m not patient enough to wait for one layer to dry.  Even knowing in advance I’m going to dick the painting up by putting more water/paint into what is there without waiting for it to dry, I do it anyway then startup with a potty mouth that would singe the devil’s own tongue.   I only did this piece in watercolor because the thought of getting oil paint all over my car and then cleaning up was too overwhelming.

Just off to the right of this painting is a fence with a No Trespassing sign.  I don’t think they meant that sign for me.  There are some wonderful paintings waiting on the other side of that fence, but not in watercolor.

An Apple A Day

By WR Jones

I couldn’t spell “feeble” in a chat the other day.  Maybe that is why they call me feeble minded.   I didn’t have time to look it up and didn’t want the person on the other end of the chat to know I was an idiot.  Don’t know why I stress over it; by the end of the conversation she probably had it figured out anyway.

In the chat I substituted the word apple in place of feeble.  Why?  Because I knew how to spell apple (although I don’t know for how much longer I will be able to spell that word either).  Of course that particular substitution then threw the sentence into disarray so that it made no sense at all.  Screw it, I didn’t feel like talking anyways.

I started this painting in Susan’s back yard then finished it in my bathtub weeks later.  I was in the bathtub trying to clean up after getting dirty crawling under that fence to avoid looking at the No Trespassing sign.   That way I could plead ignorance.  It often works as the deputies almost immediately agree with me on that point.

You may note some interesting brush work on this piece caused by my nervous twitching at every little sound.  Ever since the neighbor’s dog was killed by a mountain lion my ears are tuned so finely I can hear a cricket pass wind from the bad grass he was eating.  I’m getting a little better as my hearing aid batteries run down.

If you eat only apples you should stay pretty thin I’m guessing.  My daughter was telling me about a case of flesh eating bacteria in a 10 year old boy.   Sounds bad – is bad.  However, being the optimist you know me to be, I was thinking maybe we could harness this little fellow (the bacteria) and train him to eat fat only.  Ya, you are on the wavelength baby, make billions with a B.  And with that money be able to eat fine fat food all day long.  Then kiss one of the laboratory beauties (for a fee) and get exposed to the fat eating bacteria.