Moron vs Moron

By WR Jones

 Estranged

    I’ve got a new type of spam that shows up at work.    My work email is wjones@sjm.com.   I’m getting spam that claims it is from wjones@sjm.com to me at wjones@sjm.com.    What level of moron would try to sell me something that is supposed to come from myself?     They try to be tricky with the subject matter -  “How to pleasure her a whole lot more than you’ve been doing so far you total loser”,  “On your missing house payment”,   “Call me”,  “Jerry missed his flight”,  “Sorry I missed your birthday party”, “So sorry your father died, are you coming back for the funeral?”,  ” Warning! Server Down”, “Corporate Party Date”, “Question for colleagues” etc.  

    I got a really really valuable spam this morning that tells me I can store my money privately in E – gold.   I’m starting to feel a lot more secure about the future of the economy.  This has to be better than putting the money under the mattress.  E – Gold?   Would that be 24K?

    More to the point what kind of moron would purchase from  such a site?   

     Out of curiosity I have clicked on these links.   You may be thinking,  “There you go, there is one of those morons.   Has he been hit in the head?” 

     I do this on my work computer so I’m depending on IT to protect me from any virus.   Every one I click on lists a group of limp dick pills you can order with  no Dr. examination.   This flacidity is apparently pandemic.   I’m taken aback that the population hasn’t fallen like a rock instead of continuing to grow.   I’m thinking if you can’t get it up you should not be making babies.   And for sure if you are ordering this stuff you should not be allowed to have children.   Let’s not try to evolve perfect morons.

    On another note – I went to a doctor today (for hip pain and a limp dick)  ok, ok only for the hip pain.   I will see Trixie and Bubbles later about the limp part.

    XRays showed I have arthritis in my hip joint.   Here is the advice I want to pass on to you.   I told him the pain starts after I walk about 3 miles.   He told me to stop walking after two miles.  Son-of-a-bitch, why couldn’t I think of that?

    So  he recommends Glucosamine, Chondrotin, and MSM.  I bought a bottle of 240 caplets for only $75.  Serving size 4 caplets.   By the time I take all  the blood pressure, aspirin, calcium, B12, B6, one-a-day, etc supplements my appetite is ziltch and so is my wallet.

    Somewhere out there is a modicum of pleasure – I shall seek it out; 2 miles at a time.

This entry was posted in Humor, Landscape, Painting, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Moron vs Moron

  1. donna says:

    I have hip pain right now but it’s because my husband hip-checked me last night and knocked me over. I told him if he did that in ten years, he would probably break my hip.

    Yeah, he’s gonna pay.

  2. Rhonda says:

    Ah, the joys of aging. And good for you, Bill, being able to walk 3 miles – I assume that’s every day? Or once a week? Reminds me of the old and bad joke: Man comes in to the doctor and holds his arm above his head…says, “Doc, it hurts when I do that.” Doc says, “Then don’t do that.” Addedum to reflect today’s medical establishment: Doc then says, “That’ll be 250 dollars. Pay on your way out, please.”

  3. Say hello to Trixie and Bubbles from all of us here in blogland.

  4. Anna Surface says:

    Yeah, aren’t those spam emails something? I get spam from “me” to me about all kinds of stupid things but I sure don’t click on any links. LOL And the spam here at WordPress is downright beyond human, not human, and absolutely stupid. Do people actually get into the type of porn that is advertised? Then dogs have better sense than humans. Anyway, your post brought up my soap box… spam. LOL–the doc stays to stop walking after two miles. Why do we need doctors for?

  5. lori says:

    Gee I want to be that girl in the painting, she has a jacket and scarf on, it must be chilly. Its 95 in the shade here. Its a very nice painting.

    I get that same sort of spam, and I don’t even have limp equipment.

    We used to give those gluco-etc. pills to our old dog before she passed on.

  6. wrjones says:

    Donna – hip checked you? What the hell are you guys doing playing hockey in the house? You are both grounded.

    Rhonda – I was walking about 15 to 20 miles per week. The walk that causes problems is 8 miles. It looks like that walk is out now as aging parts slow down my activities even further. SUCK!!!!!

    Connie – I will say hello to Trixie and Bubbles for you. They are my imaginary girl friends. They don’t have arthritis but I may give it to them.
    ,
    Anna – that spam is sooooooo annoying. I’m for shooting someone who produces spam, and all their offspring, and the family cat. How many men buy these pills and do they ever find a woman to use it with? Maybe they buy in the hopes of some future success. They need imaginary girl friends like I have then they can imagine themselves as suave and huge. (That’s what I do).

    Lori – move out of Florida. Maybe you killed your dog. Did she have an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

  7. It’s seemed to me, observing life in general, that it’s more often our hearts and not our parts that go limp. Okay, there’s some problems with the parts too. But more with our minds, souls, hearts, all those entities with which we manage to feel longing.

    No pills for that.

    But art, your picture, Bill, is like a pill for longing except it quells longing by creating new longing.

    I’ve said before, “you’re deep.” That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

    Lovely painting.

  8. Carol King says:

    Another post that cracked me up. I, too, get spam emails from myself. I, too, get confused about them. Signs of aging. But I don’t click on them. I know where my delete key is located on the keyboard.

    Lovely painting. Who is the red-haired woman and why is the painting entitled “estranged”?

  9. Bonnie says:

    Moronicism ( can’t spell check it because I think I made it up to describe the act of being a moron ) is not limited to spam. Add infomercials, buy one get one free, lose 10 lbs while you sleep ( maybe if you sleep the final sleep…..) and people who use too many parentheses in their writing, and you can see why we’re doomed.

    I encourage you to see Woody Allens’ new movie Whatever It Takes. The rants on humanity are priceless.

    Ooh, gotta go- I see an offer popped up on my email to send money to a Nigerian family.

  10. wrjones says:

    Aletha – thanks!

    Carol – The woman is Lisa and the title I used because she looks so separated and alone in this pose. The painting looks better than the photo which is often not the case. I don’t know why I’m getting so much glare.

    Bonnie – I think my new favorite is storing my money privately in E Gold.

  11. Bill Sharp says:

    I like the painting, Bill, although I’m told that “collectors” don’t like green paintings, whoever “collectors” are.

    I always wonder what drives spam. It’s hard to believe, but there must really be people out there who are interested in the items spammers spam about.

  12. 100swallows says:

    Funny, Bill. I guess we grew up expecting doctors to be gurus.
    Have you ever noticed how they give as their diagnosis what you led them to think?
    I shut up now, don’t volunteer any hypothesis, and try not to influence them.

  13. Dawn says:

    George Inness was known for his color green. I love it.

    We can all understand that feeling of being or feeling separated.

  14. gypsy-heart says:

    I loved all your latest work..and catching up on your crazy world! :)

    I had spam sent to me as if by me too..with subjects like “what I’ve sent yesterday”…huh???

  15. Rebecca says:

    You’re Doctor sounds like Henny Youngman!

    I wouldn’t worry about the spread of morons. I don’t think they wanna have kids, these (morons)just want to attract a girl half their age.

    I for the life of me can’t understand what a 60 year old man would see in a woman of 20, but my partner says he can’t imagine what a woman of 20 would see in a 60 year old man.

    If you’re a 60 year old man, then the answer is simple (to men): young women are eye candy and besides, you still get to keep your old man poker buddies who will agree.

    If you’re a 20 year old woman, then the answer is simple: Old men have money and besides, you still see your boyfriend on the side.

    At least we know who the moron is.

    Glucosamine/Chondroitan helps cartilage, right? (any of that down there? I suppose not)

  16. kimiam says:

    I love to laugh when I read your blog. Hang in there Bills! Eat lots of jell-o.

  17. Julia says:

    I don’t have excess money lying around to invest in e-gold, relatives in Nigeria, or a limp dick (any dick at all in fact!). If they really want to sucker me in, they need to send spam about how to add extra hours to my day or how to expose dishonest behavior of a co-worker without losing my job!

    Lately, I feel like the woman in your painting…introspective, out of place, and alone. I love art that evokes emotions, and this piece certainly does!

  18. wrjones says:

    Bill – thanks. The only collector I have is the garbage collector and he charges me.

    100swallows – I don’t go to Drs for advice, I’m after drugs to make me forget how much the garbage collector is charging me to take away my paintings.

    Dawn – I hadn’t noticed all the green until you mentioned it. There is quite a bit, huh? If you are feeling estranged, call me. People say I’m strange so maybe we would have some type of connection.

    gypsy-heart – thanks. The junk mail subject lines alternate from looking like they were computer generated at random to looking like an idiot was involved.

    Rebecca – a couple of things:
    1. Your math is a trifle weak. A 20 year old is not half the age of a 60 year old (I think – don’t have my calculator handy).
    2. Being 60+ I can see tons of things a 20 year old should see in us. However I can’t see why a 60 year old male would be chasing an old lady of 20. I like middle aged women myself, you know, 12 or 13.

    I bought a bottle of 240 tablets of Glucosamine/Chondroitan/MSM? at a health food store for $75. The dosage is 4 tablets a day. I saw the same thing at a Target with 120 tables (dosage 2 tablets a day) for $20. What the hell. An old fool and his money are soon parted. The 20 year old should go after the health food store owner.

    Kimiam – is the jello for “the” joint or joints in general or do you just like the stuff?

    Julia – as a financial advisor (no training other than pissing away my own money at the health food store), I don’t think dicks in general are a good investment. Have you ever seen a female pimp with her men working corners?

    Why would they fire you for exposing a dishonest employee? I once overheard two young men planning on robbing a computer company I worked at. I told their boss who promised to keep me out of it. Ten minutes later I’m in the president’s office with the two young men. The president opens conversation with, “Bill says you two are planning to rob the company. What do you have to say about that?” I decide from then on I would not look out for any company. They can do their own policing.

    Just come over here when you feel alone. I will keep you company and give you advice. It won’t be worth a shit but still, it is something read and cheaper than a paper.

    • Rebecca says:

      Bill, I’m with you on that one. Eric didn’t see why a young woman would want an older man, but he’s not the young woman that I once was, captivated by the wisdom, sense of humor and skillful hands!

  19. swatch says:

    very funny – seems like you have found a smart-ass doctor who is up to speed with you.

    I love the painting – full of atmosphere

  20. wrjones says:

    Rebecca – let’s wait and see Eric’s thinking when he is 60. I expect he will be wondering what the hell is wrong with those 20 year olds that they can’t see how handsome he is (on the inside).

    Swatch – thanks. I really am not looking for a smart ass to match annoying comments with me. I was hoping arthritis was a ticket to a lifetime supply of Vicodin.

  21. Jala Pfaff says:

    Hopefully Trixie and Bubbles live within your new ambulatory radius.

    Great painting.

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