Archive for April, 2009

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Really, Can Anything Else Go Wrong?

April 26, 2009

By W. R. Jones

antietam-rocks

    This is a painting of Antietam National Batttlefield.   This tree is too young to have been there during the battle.  But I can imagine a young scared soldier hiding behind these  rocks saying to his friend next to him, ‘Ernie, you know, walking behind that plow mule don’t seem so boring after all.  Do you think sarg will mind if I mosey on home?”

    Getting ready to coat this finished piece with Liquin I pushed aside a Pepsi Max can half filled with Ciroc to make room and spilled the can onto my laptop.   In a panic to clean up the computer, I knocked over a lamp.   I grabbed for  the lamp (which, by the way, failed).   While trying to catch the lamp I knocked over my easel.   I grabbed for the easel (which, by the way, failed).   My attempt to save the easel led to my stepping  on a broken piece of lamp glass.

     Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.    I’m never painting again.   I think I will take up welding.

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Lisa Does China

April 24, 2009

by Lisa

me_and_jackie_chan

Ni Hao (hello in Chinese)!!!

I am back from China. Admit it. You all missed me. I was able to go to the business office in each hotel we stayed in to make sure Bill was keeping you entertained on the blog. Please send him Jordan Almonds for me.

My trip went great. The first day. Okay, halfway through the first day. That’s when I got sick. Violently sick. In the Shanghai Museum. I can’t tell you a thing about their Chinese antiquities, but I can tell you a lot about their bathroom facilities. There are three stalls per floor. The toilet handles twist. They actually provide you with toilet paper there (thank GOD). And a waste basket to throw the used paper in. All of China wants you to dispose of used toilet paper that way since their sewage system is antiquated. I’m thinking I might have come close to bringing all of Shanghai down those first few days that I was sick since I was in no mood to play that game. But that’s too much information.

After I recovered, it was a very interesting trip. I am now coming down with a cold that I got on the flight home from one of the ten people immediately surrounding me hacking and sneezing for twelve hours, so I will cut this short today, but I got lots of great pictures that I will be sharing on the blog over the next few weeks. I will be painting from the best ones so don’t expect to see those. And don’t tell Bill I’m working from photos. You know how he is about that. Such a stickler.

The above is a picture of me and some Jackie Chan clones. Literally, that is what they say they want to be when they finish the Kong Fu school we visited (and they spell it ‘Kong’ instead of ‘Kung’ although that could be another wonderful case of ‘Chinglish’ which I got really into there). They gave us an awesome private performance. That one that I am leaning against is on his way to Hollywood. Speaks English, is personable and cute as a button.

*sneezes*

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Pony

April 23, 2009

By W R Jones (Cowboy Legend).

colt

    I can’t draw a horse for  shit.   I took a workshop by a very knowledgeable artist who clearly was a horseman.   Didn’t take.   You would think I could draw a car since that is what we ride everyday.   Nope, can’t draw them very well either.   Well, what does that leave?   I’m thinking walnuts.  But they have a bumpy surface so I guess I’m left with a grape.  That is what Lisa does.

   This  pony reminds me of 38 weeks  of school, 8 hours a day in the Navy.    Every week we had a test.   Sometimes we would know the questions and answers before the test.   Maybe the word ‘pony’ came from the instructor that  would stomp his foot when a question was going to be on the test.

    We would call these tips “ponies” and ask each other before the test if we had any ponies to ride.  Ethics aside, and they always were way aside, there is is nice warm fuzzy feeling  about knowing the answer to a question in advance.

    I passed that school and went on  to become a nearly world famous scientist.  I’m currently looking for investors in my “warm” fusion project.  The payout is ENORMOUS  now don’t be a weak investor and get this mixed up with payback.

    Eagerly awaiting your envestment.   The Right Reverended Shifty Greenbacks.

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