By W R Jones
I captured this image of Prince Harry when I was a paparazzi. I was a little down on my luck at the time and could not afford a camera so I drew him. Turns out he wasn’t “The” Prince Harry. And another thing – the magazines don’t pay well for an image of Joe American who looks like all his air bags went off at the same time. When his phone rang everybody stepped aside thinking he was backing up.
A kindly editor told me he didn’t think I was cut out to be a paparazzi. So I switched to nutritional science. I recently found a link to a doctor (and they are experts in food, you understand) who thinks we should abandon the food pyramid for his food diamond.
In the middle of his diamond is a big area labeled “WATER”. I’m not sure what the nutritional value of water is, but this guy is a genius for being the first to recognize we need it. There should be a Nobel in there for him. He also has one of the grains as “steel cut oatmeal”. What the hell? I’m old so I can remember the bronze age. In those days they touted “bronze cut oatmeal”. After thousands of years it is the same old sales bullshit.
Not that the pyramid is of any more use. It has a base of pasta, bread, rice, cereal requiring 6-11 servings. What is a serving? What age. If you take an infant off the breast to give him 11 servings of pasta he will plug right up. Or maybe he will reach for the remote and ask for another beer.
The last time I paid attention to a man just because he had MD after his name was that time I traded two perfectly good testicles for goat glands. The only increase in appetite I see is a desire to graze on the neighbor’s front lawn.
I wonder what the nutritional value of grass is? How much grass is a serving? Would that be two passes with the lawn mower? If I graze the entire front yard will that give me enough energy to take that damn muscle conditioning class again?