Sculptures in Puerta Vallarta

by Lisa

       I’m back from my cruise, and will post about it when I get a chance, but for now (and for the sake of Bill not strangling me because I have not posted in a while), let me leave you with these images of some sculptures on the beach in Puerta Vallarta that I just loved.

Canta Canta Pajarito

By WR Jones 

    This little fellow is singing his ass off.  Reminds me of myself in the morning shower. 

    When I was around 12 or 13 there was a wealthy man (by my hometown standards anyway) who had a pond constructed in his very large back lot.  He had this pond stocked with fish.  I don’t remember what all varieties he put in there but he did have bass.  All the fish he originally stocked were 5lbs or larger.

    He wasn’t all that gregarious, at least not to boys of our age.  This meant we had to commando fish the place.  This was fine with us.  We would sneak out of our houses around 1AM, fish and smoke until 4, then return to bed.  I had to set up a chair with a stack of books to reach the basement window through which I exited the house. 

    Getting back in was a bitch.  I fell twice knocking over the books and chair.  The first time my mom came down.  I was already out of my clothes and told her I was going to the bathroom and tripped on the chair.  The second time I got no response at all.  She was probably thinking, “it’s just Billy going to pee; clumsy little bugger.”

    We hadn’t completely thought this through on the first run.  We caught a few fish, kept them on a stringer and started home.  As we neared our homes we suddenly realized we had no way to explain the catch.  “What’s that in the refrigerator?  Don’t know; guess the fish fairy was here.”  We left them on someone’s doorstep.

 

Spots

By W. R. Jones

    Well, I have out done myself again.  I have reached a pinnacle of stupidity never before seen or heard tell of.

    A few years ago I went to a dermatologist to have her look at a spot on my leg.  It was OK.  I asked her if she thought I should come in for a yearly checkup.  She replied it wouldn’t be necessary.  Then she walked around past my left side to leave the room and exclaimed, “Oh Oh”.  Those were chilling words.  There was a dark spot inside my ear.  She said that should not be there.  A biopsy was negative but now she has me in every year for a full body check.

    I have lots of odd looking spots now.  They are benign old age marks.  Depending on where they are, she will sometimes freeze them.  Every touch of that “much colder than ice” qtip to my body is $90, and not covered by insurance.

    Recently I was walking down the isle of the grocery store and noticed a product for use in freezing warts.  It was only $10 for the whole can.  “Hey”, says that idiot little voice in the back of my head, “a do it yourself spot remover.  I can save a bundle here.”

    When you freeze the skin, you are really burning it.  The area turns black, then a week or two later the burned tissue falls or is rubbed off.  I, fool that I am, applied this wart remover directly to my face.  Now I look like a Dalmatian. 

    What the hell was I thinking?  What if these black marks are permanent?  I CAN NOT go to that doctor and ask for help.  You can’t explain this kind of stupidty to anyone.  I’m sure she knows I’m an idiot but I don’t like to make confirmation of first impressions such a slam dunk.

    My lawyer says I’ve got a great case here.  First of all there was no mention of trying the product on an inconspicuous area to test for color ruination.  Secondly there was no label saying this product was not for use by Compleaaaat Idiots.

    And me; I’m sitting here on the lawn in front of the fire station.  They’ve adopted me.