By W R Jones
I was parked along the mountain road with a good start (not good in quality, good in the sense; no ant bites, no wind, not cold, didn’t have paint all over myself, didn’t have to go to the bathroom, wasn’t hungry, etc) when a carload of rough looking Hispanic teenage boys pulled up blocking my van from any movement.
I felt very uneasy and was thinking about moving toward the van where I had a pistol. What kept me rooted near the painting was the memory of the last time my paranoia got hold of me and I unloaded on that busload of preschoolers. My attorney said I was extremely fortunate, that is exactly how he put it, “extremely fortunate”, those lawyers talk real smooth, that I was using a cap pistol at the time. I’m off those wild mushrooms now. Lesson learned there, don’t eat something just because you kicked it loose with your boot and don’t want to see it go to waste. I was only locked up long enough to get me a new jail Tat. Not a real one, that would hurt. I got one of those band-aids with animals (for my ant bites). I told the fellas it was a tattoo.
I had a friend who always carried a concealed handgun wherever he went. When I asked him if he wasn’t concerned about being picked up with an illegal weapon he replied, “Better to be caught with it than without it.” This lose – lose type of scenario is where the term horns of a dilemma springs from.
Anyway, my worries were unfounded. One of the teenagers came over asking if it would bother my painting if they fished in the area. At that, I took a breath for the first time in a few minutes and let out a very squeaky, “no no no no no no bother at all”.
Later another of the boys came by with some information, “you know, there are a lot of good painters in this area.” Yes, I say, I know. He looked at my painting and muttered, “not all of em, I guess”. “Say, what’s that you are painting?”, he asks. “Is that suppose to be an old Buick? Pretty good, pretty good.” I hope that asshole never catches a fish.
LISA – is this short enough for you? Made it all the way down to here? Didn’t fall asleep?
(Lisa says I’m too long winded and that, coupled with being boring, is killing the blog. She is keeping me on out of charity.)