Halloween Night ~ Stay Away From My Candy, You Little Brat

By W.R. Jones

autumnmorningp.jpg 

    I first posted this painting on www.cafecrem.wordpress.com last week in reference to coffee cups.  Here it is used as a symbol of Halloween.  This is known as multiuse, or sometimes by the more common phrase of “too lazy to do another painting.”

    I’m going to the rifle range to shoot tonight rather than staying at home passing out my good candy and shooting at those neighborhood kids.

    I’ll stick my wife with the job of answering the doorbell 50 times.  I really can’t bear to watch my good chocolate walking out the door in those grubby little hands.

    I buy the candy at the store ostensibly for passing out on Halloween.  It is obvious to the most casual observer, looking at my lowered head and shifting eyes, that I have no intention of sharing my stash.  Luckily there is no lie detector test required.  If they ask if the purpose of those 47 bags of candy was for passing out to a stadium full of crippled children.  I would look at the floor and whisper “yes” whereupon the detector needles would wrap themselves around each other and snap like dry twigs under Paco’s hoofs.

  

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2 Responses to Halloween Night ~ Stay Away From My Candy, You Little Brat

  1. kevmoore says:

    I think we should be allowed to buy Candy anonymously. Why should our addiction be paraded in the public eye? Why do stores cruelly position these goodies in “impulse buy” locations, where everyone can see our need, as our grasping, sweaty hands reach for yet more chocolate with hazel nut?
    A little pity, please…put the chocolate near a less in demand item, say, oven gloves, on one of the back shelves, we can then discreetly place our stash in the basket and hide it quickly with strategically placed fruit. Or broccoli.
    Of course, one can always use children to procure sweeties. I myself once cruelly exploited my own son in order to queue jump onto a flight to England. I had suffered at the hands of this airline before, letting families with kids on ahead of me, as I normally travel alone. Plus, my son, then 14, was never allowed by the airline to visit me on his own. He is 6 feet tall. I pushed to the front. “Parent with kid!” I yelled. Damn right I got the best seats.I could have had chocolate too, but I’d already eaten.

  2. wrjones says:

    As I’m nearly world famous, for a brief moment there I thought you might have been stalking me. How else could you know about covering the After Eights with broccoli?

    Then I realized I’m not the only one who uses that technique.

    I like the idea of exploiting children. Maybe I’ll take one or two of the 5 year olds off their work at the looms long enough for them to go beg money and by me something to eat.

    For the airline I think I’ll try a Cabbage Patch kid instead of a real one.

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