They Don’t Need Paintin’

  Before I say anything about this painting I feel I must answer that libelous remark by Lisa (see her post “The Painter’s Pursuit Of Dishonesty”).  She likes to needle people.  She didn’t really mean that statement about painting my head on Brad Pitt’s body.  She was just teasing.  She knows full well my nickname is Ironman.  I will let you visualize what type of body goes with a name like that.  Yes, that’s right, a body Brad Pitt would act like he would die for.

    Now to the painting -  yesterday I was in the cafeteria ordering a fried egg sandwich; as I was watching the cook fry the egg a woman came from the back of the kitchen carrying a platter of bright red peppers.  I said to her that I thought they were very pretty, I would like to paint them.  “They don’t need paintin”, she replied; with a stern look, she turned and stalked away.  The cook and I were in tears.  Sometimes ignorance is very humorous.

  Without any peppers to paint I turned to this squash to relieve that need to paint something itch.

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Bill

The Painter’s Pursuit of Dishonesty

 Bill has brought up a good point and put me between a rock and a hard place. I am struggling now to merge my righteous determination to be honest with my full on insistence that we lie as painters. Indeed deception is a big part of being a painter. We must become good at lying and cheating, and embrace our thieving ways.  

I find students are far too honest as well. They want to paint every wrinkle, every color, every petal they see. If I had a dime for every time a student said to me, “but it really was that color”. I DON’T CARE if it really was that color. LIE. Indeed, we must be selfish. We must think of what will entertain our own eye, and forget about Mother Nature. We must go forth into the world, wielding a big brush, and LIE LIE LIE…

You will not get caught unless you jump the light, or cheat values (they are not to be touched in your pursuit of dishonesty).  But change colors, edit in, edit out, flatter your sitter if they are paying you money: the mole does not have to have hair; provide boob jobs, nose jobs, better hairlines, manicures; subtract years and pounds, and love handles. Play God, have fun.

And if you’re painting Bill, put his head on Brad Pitt’s body.

Lisa

Painting – A Lie?

  Lisa tells me it is better to be truthful.  She got started on this tack when she caught me being dishonest.  It didn’t take any great deductive skills on her part; I told her I was a fighter pilot and a bull fighter.  After looking in the mirror and seeing the lines on my face, I can see where those careers don’t seem too plausible for me.  Say – I’m old enough, I could be a brain surgeon (as long as I don’t have to know my ass from my elbow).

    I well remember my first occupational lie.  It was many years ago.  As an engineer, I had not been doing well with the ladies so to speak.  It may have had something to do with being boring.  One day I had a brilliant idea; they (the ladies) would be attracted to a sensitive artist.  That very night I gave it a try.  Now, you have to understand, at this time in my life I had never even drawn a stick figure.  Sitting by a woman at the bar, I mentioned I was an artist.  We talked awhile when she turned to a man on her other side.  She asked him what he did.  He was an artist.  She exclaimed: “I’ve got a great idea.  Why don’t you both draw me?”  Sheeeit! What’s the probablity of that?  He was an artist. 

   What’s this have to do with this painting of roses?  Well, I took what is euphemistically called artistic license with the wall.  In other words, a lie.  I like to paint at least a close interpretation of what I see.  In this case, however, the wall was ugly so I painted what I thought would look good with yellow roses.

   Lately I’ve been thinking I should lie more in my work.  As I drive the roads and look at the landscape through my rose tinted sunglasses, it looks very appealing.  As soon as I remove the glasses, the same scene looks humdrum.  The sunglasses give the earth a red tint that goes well with the green trees.  Should I paint it that way?

    Some people are very commercially successful painting bald faced lies.  Crooked wavy houses, purple grass, etc.  Whenever I see their work I think of the painters as complete losers.  No one starts out thinking of painting purple grass and wavy buildings.  They get there when they are unsuccessful at representational work.   Luckily for them the world has a plentiful supply of idiots who can be convinced of the artistic merit of such pieces.  Maybe I’ll start painting crooked tits like Picasso.  It worked for him.

Bill

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